You’re Asking the Wrong Question
“What do I do when my dog…”
A question that haunts my days, emails, and phone calls.
Pssssst, come here, let me tell you a little secret…
You’re asking the wrong question.
Many dog guardians expect that when taking a training class they will learn what to do when their dog does something that they don’t like.
“How do I get my dog to stop jumping?”
“How do I make them stop barking?”
“How do I stop them from pulling on the leash?”
But these questions are all a step behind. Instead of asking how to stop behaviors we don’t like, we should be asking, How can I prevent these behaviors from happening in the first place?
If that sounds like a big mindset shift, it is—but it’s also one we already apply in everyday life. Now we need to apply it to our dogs.
Think about how we keep young children safe. We don’t wait for a toddler to grab a knife out of the drawer and then yell at them; we install child safety locks so they never get the chance. We don’t wait for them to run into the street and then scold them; we hold their hand, use crosswalks, and teach them how to cross safely. We don’t expect them to sit quietly through a long meeting and then punish them when they get antsy; we give them crayons and paper to keep their hands busy.
So why do we expect dogs to “just know” how to navigate the world without similar support?
A dog who raids the trash isn’t being defiant—they’re following their instincts or maybe they are board. Instead of waiting for them to get into the garbage and then scolding them, we can manage the environment by using a trash can with a lid or putting it behind a cabinet and make sure our dog has had enough structured exercise and mental stimulation to fulfill their needs to scavenge and snuffle.
A dog who jumps on guests isn’t trying to be bad—they’re just excited and don’t yet know a better way to greet people. Instead of pushing them off and saying “No,” or “Off” we can teach them to hand target, turn in a circle, or grab their favorite toy when someone walks through the door.
A dog who pulls on the leash isn’t being stubborn—they are just doing what has been reinforced. Pulling gets them where they want, so they will continue to pull. Instead of correcting them after the fact, we can reward them for walking near us and make it worth their while to stay engaged.
But training isn’t just about preventing unwanted behaviors—it’s also about meeting our dogs’ emotional needs. When we’re tired, hungry, or overwhelmed, we’re more likely to snap at someone or make poor decisions. Dogs are the same way. A dog who is barking excessively, chewing furniture, or constantly seeking engagement might not be “misbehaving” at all—they might just be bored, anxious, or under-stimulated. Addressing their needs with enrichment, exercise, and mental stimulation often prevents these behaviors before they even start.
When we train reactively—waiting for a behavior to happen and then punishing it—we miss the opportunity to communicate clearly. Imagine trying to learn a new language, but instead of someone teaching you the words, they just scold you every time you say the wrong thing. You’d be frustrated, anxious, and no closer to understanding what’s expected of you, unlikely you’d give up. That’s exactly how our dogs feel when we only correct mistakes instead of guiding them toward success.
So instead of asking, “How do I stop my dog from doing this?” try asking, “How can I help my dog succeed?” The answer is almost always some combination of prevention, management, and proactive training. When we shift our focus from reacting to preparing, we create a world where our dogs don’t just behave better—they feel better, learn faster, and trust us more. And isn’t that the whole point of training in the first place?
Sara Sokol is owner of Mr. Dog Training in Brunswick Maine; A positive reinforcement dog training facility, offering both virtual and in person classes, that has been voted best training in Maine.
